For some people, the idea of being the best looking guy around is the ultimate goal. Many people believe that if they want to attract a woman, then they need to be the very best. After all, how can you expect to be desired if you aren’t the best looking guy around?
It’s no secret that the body is highly subjective. In fact, it can be downright gross. You will see the same genetics and same genetics types, yet one person may have an hourglass figure and other may have a double chin. This is because the external world does not reflect the internal world. Whether you wake up at 5-9am, have a 12-hour sleep, or even have no concept of time at all, the internal clock determines how our bodies run. What works for one person may not work for you, since our bodies respond differently to different foods, depending on genetics and other health factors.
I want to be ‘That Guy’ is a personal blog about health and fitness. It provides some helpful tips on how to deal with body image issues from a male perspective. The author of this blog also has a particular interest in the ‘That Guy’ phenomenon and the many different ways that it manifests itself for men and women.
You’re familiar with “That Guy.” He’s self-assured, his cholesterol is under control, he’s not ashamed to remove his shirt in public, and he doesn’t grow tired playing with his kids (or grandkids).
I can confidently state, after coaching thousands of clients, that wanting to be “That Guy” can either accelerate you toward your objective… might render you utterly immobile. Here’s how to deal with it.
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Do you know who “That Guy” is? The one that appears to be in perfect physical condition, appears to be effortlessly fit, exudes confidence, and appears to have it all together?
Have you ever secretly hoped you could be more like him?
It turns out that most guys subconsciously want for the same thing.
I’m going to tell you the truth about That Guy and what it takes to live a “That Guy” life in this essay.
(Hint: it isn’t what you expect.)
I’ll also show you how to make comparisons work for you rather than against you.
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But first, I wanted to let you know that we’ll be opening up seats in our Coaching program very shortly.
We work with small groups of men and women twice a year who want to look better, feel better, and take control of their health and fitness.
We work together for a year to help them get in the best shape of their lives… and stay like way for the rest of your life.
Check out this short movie to see some of the incredible things we’ve helped our clients achieve:
Meet some of the folks who have had their bodies — and lives — transformed through Coaching.
Would you like to learn even more? Today is the last day to get on the pre-sale list.
We’ll walk you through significant, long-term changes in your food, exercise, physique, and health as part of the Coaching program.
What were the outcomes?
You’ll lose the weight (and body fat) you’ve been struggling to lose for years. You’ll gain physical strength and self-assurance. And you’ll feel like the healthiest, strongest, fittest version of yourself at the end of it.
To put it another way, we’ll help you become your own “That Guy.”
Which takes us back to the topic of today’s article…
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That’s the kind of guy I’d like to be.
I’ve been coaching people on how to enhance their bodies, health, and lifestyles for over 25 years.
(First as an individual, then as the founder of Coaching.)
I’ve worked with folks from all walks of life, from all cultures, occupations, and family situations.
Surprisingly, they’ve all had the same thought:
That’s the kind of guy I’d like to be.
We’ve all met That Guy.
He’s incredible. Even inspiring.
That Guy might have ripped abs, arms, and everything else. He doesn’t grow tired playing with his kids (or grandkids), and he’s not ashamed to take off his shirt in public.
That Guy may be 30, 40, 50, or 60 years old. He exudes youthfulness, comfort, and freedom regardless of his age. He simply puts on a t-shirt and appears to be a millionaire.
When he bends over to tie his shoes, he doesn’t utter “uff.” His doctor isn’t telling him that his rotator cuff is torn or that his cholesterol levels are too high. He’s most likely a doctor, perhaps a neurosurgeon or something.
That Guy isn’t fighting with his wife over who gets the dry cleaning. He doesn’t have to clear out eavestroughs or fight traffic on the freeway.
He’s also not worried about employment or assisting his parents with their transition to assisted living. He isn’t thinking, “I need more time to focus on myself.”
That Guy has no bad knees and doesn’t experience heartburn after eating a chili dog. Rocky’s trainer Mickey adds that when you have life figured out like he does, you can eat lightning and crap thunder.
That Guy finds romance and adventure, stomps on life, and rides off into the sunset. Because he’s got his sh*t together entirely.
“Make me look like That Guy,” says the narrator.
That Guy was Brad Pitt in Fight Club twenty years ago. “Make me seem like Tyler Durden,” clients urged.
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There are local equivalents of That Guy on the train, at work, and at the pool with your kids. He’s That Guy Lite, a more approachable yet still envious version of That Guy. He knows what he’s doing. The jawline is well-defined. Also, biceps.
Let’s be honest about it. I know you get down on yourself from time to time for not being That Guy. You can’t help but wonder…
Why does he seem to have it all together while I obviously don’t?
The thing is, here’s the thing. As a coach, I’ve assisted in the development of numerous That Guys.
And — shocker — That Guy also doesn’t have it all together.
He used to be where you are now before he became That Guy. His schedule was busier than ever before, with:
- responsibilities at home; in addition
- work-related stress; and, to be honest,
- I was just trying to keep everything together, which meant
- There isn’t enough time for him to focus on (and take care of) himself.
And he had no intention of slowing down anytime soon.
Sure, his social media account portrayed a well-curated, happy-go-lucky lifestyle. (Despite his aversion to “shirtless” photos.) But he was having trouble, feeling inept, and ready to give up on his health, fitness, and vitality.
Now, this may seem strange, but I’ve seen a lot of guys in their underpants in my 25 years of teaching. In both literal and figurative terms.
Their fitted suits (or oversized sweatshirts) must be removed. Measurements must be performed, progress must be reviewed, difficulties must be identified, and impediments must be overcome.
That’s when it dawns on everyone…
There is no such person as “That Guy.”
It’s all too easy to believe that everyone else is succeeding more than you.
Everyone else is losing weight, developing muscle, and getting fitter much more quickly and easily than you are.
Everyone else is on top of their game. Everything you don’t have is in the hands of someone else. It feels as though you’re the only one in the world dealing with these issues. It’s far more difficult for you than it is for everyone else.
The truth is this:
There is no such thing as Everyone Else.
You see…
No one can escape the realities of family, deadlines, and metabolism’s thermodynamic principles.
No one, not Chris Hemsworth, Zac Efron, no one.
That Guy does not exist in the manner in which you believe he does.
We are all flawed, striving, very-much-human creatures with dreams and anxieties and ambitions and neuroses and jobs and lives and kids and dogs or cats and family demands and toilets that need unclogging and lines-becoming-wrinkles and hangnails and alarms that go off too early… and the rest of reality.
With make-believe, nothing becomes any simpler.
We can only start becoming our own versions of That Guy once we can be honest about what’s going on in our lives — once we stop worrying about being the only person who isn’t fit enough, smart enough, together enough, getting enough things done in a day, isn’t a good enough father / husband / worker, whatever.
Do you want to learn how it’s done? Take a look at these six stages.
Step 1: Take a second to rethink your expectations.
The good news is that you can get in shape to be That Guy in Men’s Health. That is to say, your torso is physiologically capable of looking like that.
The dilemma is: Can you afford to choose diet and fitness over everything else, including dessert, your partner, your kids, your job… everything?
Getting into magazine-cover shape is difficult, as we discussed in our piece The Cost of Getting Lean. To do this, you must give up a portion of your life.
You eat from a Tupperware container. Everything you put in your mouth is measured. Your entire schedule focuses around eating (or not eating), exercising, and resting so you can exercise again.
This is for folks who are paid a lot of money to have that body. (Actors have a team of specialists who make sure they show up to shoots looking amazing, and then there’s the magic of digital post-production editing.)
Even yet, That Guy doesn’t always look the way you think he does. He only looks like that on rare occasions.
And when he looks like that, his life isn’t nearly as exciting as you might assume. At last weekend’s family cookout, he ate three ounces of plain cold chicken from a Ziploc bag before returning to the gym for his second session of the day.
That isn’t to imply that getting in shape isn’t worthwhile. Moreover, getting into reasonable, middling shape isn’t difficult.
All you need are a few little tweaks here and there. Walking the dog after dinner, going to the gym a couple of times a week, and packing an apple in your lunch are all smart places to start.
Getting into decent shape is more difficult, but it is possible if you are dedicated. You might need to pay greater attention to food quality and quantity sizes, exercise more, and limit your indulgences. If you’re so inclined, it’s still possible.
A huge breakthrough usually occurs when Coaching clients are finally able to recognize and internalize all of this.
Because they may now picture themselves as the truly outstanding, fully reachable copies of That Guy. They can stop wasting their time on a goal that turns out to be really unappealing. They begin to concentrate on healthy behaviors that are compatible with the rest of their priorities.
Step two is to seek out real-life role models.
We have no idea who someone is, how they feel, or what their life is like when we see them in a magazine (or on Instagram).
That’s pointless if you’re a data-driven person like myself. Particularly since real-life role models are all around us – and may provide us with material to work with.
Consider the grandfather who is constantly full of energy and enjoys playing with his grandchildren. How did he maintain his fitness as he grew older?
Or maybe it’s a coworker who sneaks away over lunch to go to a yoga session. He’s a little embarrassed, but he still goes. (And he’s always so calm when it’s over.) Where does he get his inspiration?
Or the parent who teaches the youngsters baseball in the neighborhood. (And, amazingly, he never loses patience.) What does he do to be able to leave work earlier?
There are small moments of health, fitness, and wellness all around us. You’ll be shocked at how soon you’ll be playing That Guy if you take them.
Step 3: Incorporate fitness simplicity into your routine.
Small moves don’t usually come with a lot of fanfare, do they? However, this is the unappealing reality of how we get things done.
Don’t have time to work out? Before you leave the house in the morning, do some push-ups and air squats. At lunch, I went for a 10-minute walk. While dinner is cooking, do a couple sprint sets. Crawl on Daddy’s back while he attempts to plank, for example.
Do the best you can, when you can, with the resources you have.
Do you think your diet is bad? Simply pick one aspect of your eating habits — the one you believe will have the greatest impact on your nutrition — and concentrate on it solely for a few weeks.
Do you want to cut down on the number of beers you drink each night? Once a day, eat a salad? Should you forego dessert in favor of something healthier?
Choose one thing to work on every day. Everything else is a waste of time. Then, once you’ve got it down, try something new.
Perhaps you believe your effort is so insignificant that it doesn’t “count.” That, however, is not the case. Small things on top of small things on top of small things… until they’re changed into large things… is virtually always the formula for success.
Step 4: Seek assistance in locating your workarounds.
It’s not an all-or-nothing situation. Don’t let the fact that you can’t exercise or consume a certain healthy cuisine be an excuse to do nothing. Find a way to get around it. If you require assistance, seek it.
No, I’m not joking.
Do you always ask for what you want? Is your arrogance getting in the way? Don’t allow it to happen. Determine the level of assistance you require. Make a request for it. Then take the assistance.
Consider branching out from your typical running regimen if your knees aren’t as strong as they once were. Alternatively, ask a coach how an activity might be tweaked.
Do you despise working out alone? Join a jogging or cycling group in your area, or plan a workout with a friend.
Do you have a hard time “finding time” for things? Get a calendar and start making plans. Schedule meetings with yourself. Keep track of your time to identify inefficiencies. Set alarms and reminders, use Post-it notes, whatever it takes to stay on track.
Even That Guy has to put in some effort. Especially at the start.
When people are out of shape, they despise the experience of exercising. When people begin a new sport, they are terrible. No one ever deadlifts 500 pounds the first time they attempt.
It’s funny how we don’t start becoming better until we acknowledge our own limitations.
We must seek assistance (and accept it). We must accept tiny steps forward that pile up over time. We must progress beyond an all-or-nothing mindset.
After we fall down, we must get back up and make course corrections.
Realizing you can’t handle everything on your own and asking for help, ironically, is what takes real guts. Living in la-la world is much more manly than shaking hands firmly with reality and looking it in the eye.
Step 5: Pay attention to the lights on your dashboard.
It’s perfectly acceptable to require some assistance. However, there are instances when we require more than just a little assistance. As an example, when we’re going through:
- Insomnia is sleep deprivation on a regular basis
- Chronic pain or a loss of mobility are two examples of chronic pain.
- injuries and/or illnesses on a regular basis
- despair, anxiety, or other mental health issues that are chronic and debilitating
- a history of social isolation and interpersonal problems
- chronic fatigue and exhaustion
- feeling as if you can’t function without drink or recreational drugs
- Food, eating, and/or exercise worries that appear to be taking over your life and/or causing harm to your health
A blinking indicator light, triggered by a terrible gym injury, a frightening medical diagnosis, or the end of a relationship, can, of course, be just the wake-up call we needed to begin working on ourselves.
But be honest with yourself: Is exercise distracting you from a more severe problem that appears too overwhelming to consider?
If this is the case, seek the advice of a doctor, skilled coach, counselor, or other health care expert.
Step 6: Embrace the adversity.
It’s not going away anytime soon. It’s a part of being human to deal with discomfort, whether it’s true pain and suffering or minor annoyances.
We appreciate the complexity and depth of life as adults. It is not a mature wish to want to “be perfect” or “have it all.” It’s a child’s dream to have all of the toys at all times, including your brother’s.
Everyone, including That Guy, has a battle. It’s possible that you won’t notice it. Consider the following example:
- Prescription medicine is used by 33% of our male consumers.
- Antidepressant or anti-anxiety medicine is taken by 24% of individuals on medication.
- Our clients get injured about 36% of the time. Many people suffer from chronic pain.
- Our male clients are above 50 about 17 percent of the time. (Aging has its own set of obstacles, even if you’re in good health.)
Furthermore, many of our men’s coaching customers tell us that their schedule has taken over their health. They’re overworked and stressed out.
Furthermore, many difficulties are imperceptible. Pain and disability are sometimes invisible. Psychological suffering is not always visible. You have no idea what someone is taking unless you watch them take a tablet.
And guess what? The PN staff is dealing with the same issues.
- We’ve had some injuries. Alternatively, they had them. Alternatively, they will have them.
- We’ve had issues with mental and emotional health in the past. Or on a regular basis.
- We’ve all fought with addictions, whether it was to job, exercise, food, alcohol, or anything else that a person may become addicted to.
- We’ve put on too much weight, become frail, or gone weeks or months without exercising.
- And there have been instances when we’ve struggled to “get it all done.”
Whatever the difficulty, at least a handful of us have faced it.
And keep in mind that That Guy, who appears to be in good shape, could be in the midst of a long and tough trip.
- We coached cancer sufferers through post-treatment rehab, for example.
- People who have recovered from an injury or disease, for example.
- Like those who have a lot on their metaphorical plate and experience all emotions as hunger — tension, happiness, grief, you name it.
You never know what it took to get someone where they are now, no matter how they appear. We’re all out on the field with each other. Trying our hardest in the face of adversity.
Accepting your own version of That Guy requires accepting imperfection and the truth of being human.
You are not required to wait. Alternatively, you could wish to be someone else. Or you could do both.
You can choose to embrace the challenge, accept your “not OK-ness,” and pursue your awesomeness nonetheless.
Right now, in this place.
What should I do next?
Most of the guys I’ve coached think about That Guy a lot. They are, however, paralyzed rather than inspired. That’s when we pay attention to the following:
1. Don’t get too caught up in setbacks.
Before contacting us, the majority of people who participate in Coaching have tried and failed to lose weight and get in shape.
That can be difficult for men to overcome. They’ve done well in other aspects of their lives. They’re furious now.
Any failed weight loss attempts, on the other hand, must be viewed as input that will help you achieve this time.
What did you do the last time you were here and the time before that? What worked and what didn’t work for you?
At PN, we value self-discovery (as if you didn’t already know). Recognizing what hasn’t worked for you is crucial to recovering control of your health (and your That Guy-ness).
2. Consider what success entails for you.
Create a mental image of That Guy. What is he up to? What does he appear to be like?
Is he destroying the competition in a Spartan race? When you’re on vacation, why not go surfing?
Is he doing tree climbing with his kids? Playing touch football with his pals – and not getting out of breath?
All of the aforementioned?
If you approach your objective with the realities of your life in mind, that will be you in a few months.
Keep an eye on your own version of That Guy.
3. On the way to That Guy, create workarounds and bridges.
You’re about to become a designer of health-related tactics that fit your lifestyle. Begin by practicing.
Take one obstacle at a time — one impediment to eating healthily or exercising — and try out various workarounds or bridges.
How are you going to get through that one stumbling block today? Is it possible for you to do it again tomorrow?
4. Simply adopt That Guy’s demeanor.
Adopt his self-assurance. Assume you’re capable of doing what he can. Find strategies to relieve stress today so you can feel lighter and more at ease.
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5. Begin putting together your team.
Life isn’t a do-it-yourself project, to be sure.
So, consider the following:
- Who do you require in your life to assist you in becoming the person you desire?
- What kind of help will you need to become your own “That Guy”?
Consider who you might be able to enlist to assist you in achieving your objectives. A trustworthy friend or family member, a coach, counselor, or other medical professional? If that’s the case, track them down and share your concept with them. Make a request for what you require. Allow them to assist you.
Change does not occur on its own. You’ll need systems in addition to assistance. Things that serve to remind you, guide you, assist you, fill in the gaps for you, and in general assist you in staying on course.
Begin actively seeking out the resources that will assist you in achieving your goals.
Do you want to be the healthiest, fittest, and strongest version of yourself?
Most people are aware that getting enough exercise, eating well, sleeping well, and managing stress are all vital for looking and feeling better. However, they require assistance in putting that information into practice in the context of their hectic, sometimes stressful lives.
Over the last 15 years, we’ve used the Coaching technique to assist over 100,000 people lose weight, gain strength, and improve their health… for the long haul… no matter what obstacles they face.
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On Wednesday, July 14th, 2021, we will be accepting applications for our upcoming Coaching.
If you’re interested in learning more about coaching, I recommend signing up for our presale list below. Being on the list provides you with two distinct benefits.
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This is your chance to transform your body and your life with the guidance of the world’s greatest instructors.
[Note: If you currently have your health and fitness under control but want to help others, look into our Level 1 Certification program.]There is a big difference between envy and jealousy. Envy is merely admiration for someone else’s good fortune. If you have a friend who is getting married and the wedding is coming up, you can admire how happy they are. You can envy their new spouse. (venom is a different matter. That is when people get jealous of someone else’s success and it makes them angry). Read more about jealousy meaning and let us know what you think.
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This article broadly covered the following related topics:
- how to get over jealousy
- jealousy
- how to deal with jealousy
- how to not be jealous
- jealousy meaning
